I’m so proud of you, me.

 

Play and listen along. 

For my niece Jania. 

Almost three months ago now I resigned from my job with the local government. With that came a lot of questions from others about why and why now. I didn’t have a whole lot of answers and honestly didn’t feel the need to explain beyond, “God said”. For the first time in my life, I didn’t ask anyone what they thought I should do. I didn’t tell a soul, not even my closest friends I was quitting. I didn’t want anyone’s opinion or to talk myself out of God’s plan. 

After I sent that email to my boss, I felt so relieved and immediately started negotiating with God. I told God, I trust you, but here’s the thing, I am not sacrificing. God, I ain’t sacrificing sh-t. Not my car, not my apartment, getting my nails done when I want to, going to a fancy restaurant and ordering whatever I want off the menu. I am not living without. I have lived too many years in lack and I don’t plan to go back. YOU KNOW. So hear me when I tell you this, I have to live well. I have to live good. I want to live so well I won’t ever think I gave anything up to pursue what you told me. 

God never once made me sacrifice, but there was some sh-t I had to let go. 

God’s promises are always yes and amen. 

Notes on abundance, resigning from my corporate job, expansion and alignment. 

During the last two weeks of my job, I sent out a formal email and posted to social media to let everyone know I’d be leaving. And that set off a fire storm I never ever expected. People were both saddened about the resignation and excited about the possibilities of what I would do. I got offers out of nowhere for jobs, contracts and speaking engagements. Things I never once sent a resume, an email or proposal for. 

But, there was one offer that humbled me more than the others. One working on a huge project that was new, innovative, vital and something our community had never seen before. EXACTLY, the kind of thing I knew I wanted to do.

Before the offer came, my coworker and good friend Travis went to meet with the leaders of this project and gave them advice and direction on ways they could get their project needs met. The leaders liked our ideas and wanted to talk more. Travis with his big ole mouth asked them if they’d hired anyone yet to do this particular type of work and they said no and if he knew about anyone. And without hesitation he threw my name out there and said, “well…whoever this person is you should look at Dominique’s resume and model it after hers.” At that moment I was so glad I had a mask on to cover my embarrassment, because I knew for sure my face was beet mf red. Following his lead, the leaders asked me, if I would be willing to come on and assist them. I told them no immediately and I think you should find someone else. But, they didn’t give up. Walking to our cars again they suggested ways we could work around it and still have time to do Soul Work Rx.

Again, I said no. 

And yet when I came home that day I was so overwhelmed, shaky and crying knowing something about this project in particular was special. 

I called Travis and he said, “I know you ain’t call me thinking I was going to talk you out of taking this.” I don’t know what I was thinking, but I felt so vulnerable and honestly unworthy. Baby girl Dominique did not believe she should be chosen for an opportunity like this. Teenage Dominique did not think she was ready. Adult Dominique knew that she had worked her entire professional career for this moment. And yet all I could do was cry. 

I voice noted Kaneisha about it and she said, “Dominique, I am really confused as to why you’re crying about this and I want you to think about where this is coming from.” But it was my fifteen year old baby girl Jania’s voice that officially sent me over the edge. “Hi Miss Dominique, I just want to tell you congratulations.” 

Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. 

My teenage self needed to hear that so badly and hearing Jania’s voice was like a balm for my soul. Maybe, just maybe I could tell myself that I was deserving and that yes, I was up for the challenge. 

The next morning those same leaders called me and said we really want you to reconsider and to meet with us just one more time. 

I said, yes. 

I said yes to God and I am now doing everything I told God I wanted to do and more, when God first told me to quit my job and I wasn’t ready crying like a lil b– at Basil Thai for lunch with Roxane.

I went from working one job to six ya’ll. I promise there is lots of naps, vacations and so much balance. 

I will go from making a little under $67k a year to possibly tripling that in the next year, after taxes of course ;-). (It’s important we talk money and be real about how much we’re making, not to brag, but for Black women to know to always command your mf worth and add tax!)

Abundance happened, not because I wasn’t afraid, but because I said yes. And it wasn’t because I didn’t f-ck up and doubt myself. When God’s got a plan for your life, it’s going to happen anyway. I wrote down that I would be working for myself by January 2021 in July of 2020. I didn’t believe it. At that time, I was working a job making the most money I had ever made. I was going through a divorce. I was trying to buy a house. Paying off debts. I had a car note. A four year old baby starting her first year of school. And my most precious maternal force would die just one month later. I had everything to lose. 

And yet I did it anyway with no real plan, no savings, no back up, just faith truly the size of a mustard seed. Every time, I doubt or question God about all of this I get a sign, a person, a meal or some money. 

My life has been a series of faith walks. I’ve done this at least seven times in my life that I can count right off hand. 

1. Coming to Brunswick at 3 days old on the greyhound from Ft. Lauderdale
2. Leaving Brunswick to move in with my grandparents at 14 to Miami
3. Being the first one in my entire family to go to college at 18, 8 hrs from home in Tallahassee
4. Leaving my first professional job at 24 in Tallahasse and packing all my sh-t in my red chevy cobalt cause I hated and moving to VA
5. To moving back to Brunswick after meeting Zora’s daddy in only a few two months of knowing each other long distance
6. To leaving Zora’s daddy and moving out on my own 6 months into a new job with a one year old baby 
7. To resign from my last job. 

I have nothing but real tangible evidence that if I follow my heart and the voice of God it will work out. I have always betted on my damn self, because I’ve always had only myself. I’m still figuring it out. I am still free falling. It all hasn’t come together yet and I’m sorta kinda most days not alright with that, but I am making peace with it, as much as Virgo can do without order. I know even this evolution of myself is not the last of what I will do. But, I’m gonna find a damn way to enjoy the mf ride. 

I am going to continue to climb this path of expansion and follow the alignment. 

Because when you’ve reached your limit there is no capacity for growth. And that’s what we should all be after, the growth. I knew I wasn’t growing anymore where I was and that I would exhaust my creativity if I stayed any longer. I also knew that my soul wanted more than what it was being served. And if I stayed my authenticity would have diminished.

I had to let go of the need to feel worthy and deserving. I am processing through what it truly means to love and revere myself on a spiritual level. I am learning so much as my level of enlightenment and awareness grows. 

Now, to be honest with you I have accomplished more than I ever truly wanted to and my focus is less on career and “the work” and more on living and enjoying life. I am giving more of my energy to love and romance. I want to explore those areas of my life. So in my true Virgo nature, I have calculated how much time I can dedicate to all these jobs and how much mandatory vacation days I’m giving myself a month. Setting up boundaries with folks where there is no reciprocity. Pulling back from a public life and some of my deepest relationships. And like my sister Chrissy say, I’m collecting my àṣẹ. 

So Jania, this is for you baby girl. Life is hard, but it is also kind. Life can be so very divine if you give yourself over to it. You don’t have to work yourself to death to get it either. Learn this lesson early on that burnout should not be synonymous with your name. You don’t have to work hard, just strategically. You can do more in less time, than people spend lifetimes trying to master. But, mastering yourself baby girl and enjoying the present is the ultimate win in this lifetime. 

I’m so proud of you, me. And where we’re at and where we’re going.

I love you.